Have you ever had one of those life changing light bulb moments? You are sitting on your couch with a can of dry shampoo in your hair, with yesterdays breakfast stains on your shirt and you have the tv volume so low because you are embarrassed the neighbours might hear you watching reruns of Love island?
Ok, so maybe I have just admitted way to much about my life but I had this moment this morning. I spat the cold tea out of my mouth, covering the ridiculously good looking people on my tv and yelled to no one in particular 'Holy Smoke Batman'.
For the last 6 months, life, the universe, Gandhi, my year 10 drama teacher, whoever (!!) has been kicking my butt. Making me question every single thing I have ever done and where I went wrong in the good karma club. I have been challenged in every way possible and it has taken a serious toll on my mental health.
I started thinking it was me and that life had it in for me, until this morning when I was in the shower finally washing my hair and singing Destiny Child's 'Survivor' at the top of my lungs. It was in that moment I realised, Beyoncé was right - I am a survivor.
You see for the last 6 years, every single year around May to July my life becomes one massive struggle. Some serious sh*t always happens impacting my mental health and testing me more than a year 12 student, trying to convince their parents they only drank the punch at the party last night.
I feel it coming, something small happens, then something else, people tell me it's ok because things come in 3's so it's almost over. I start to not tell my friends things because I am worried I am the friend that is always negative. I start practising my fake smile so people can't tell that inside I am breaking on the inside.
After a little while, my friends start to notice that my bad jokes aren't as frequent, I am more moody, my spark is less sparkly and I am not me. They start to pry into my life more and really push me to be honest. I start to tell them things and that's when the support flows in.
My friends are amazing people, they may not understand my struggles but they always offer a cup of tea when I need it the most. They remind me how much of a survivor I am and how much I have overcome.
Slowly but surely, my spark starts to ignite again and I remember how much of a resilient little motherf*#ker I am. My friends are by my side offering what they can, even if it's just a pretty photo waiting on my phone when I wake in the morning. I throw out my dry shampoo, I throw my dirty pj's in the wash and stop watching unintelligent idiots taking selfies on my tv.
My life hasn't always been pretty tea parties and pink glitter rainbows, so believe me universe when I sing Beyoncé at the top of my lungs, with a spark in my heart. Be afraid, because you can throw whatever you want at me but you won't break me.
I am a survivor!